Heraus!

The smell of fire and the blare of ambulances and police vans has filled the day here in Goettingen. Today was my first time witnessing a large scale political march, and the subsequent demonstrations againist such a march. All the EAP students received numerous e-mails from our directors warning againist going into town today because of possible threats of violence. But please, can you really expect a group of foreign college students to not want to see what a political demonstration is like here? ...especially when the march is by the Nationaldemokratische Partei Deutschlands: Neonazis.


"Patriotic" music screeched down Weender Landstrasse, and as the slowmoving vehicles passed, one could hear a faceless voice shouting fascist rhetoric. Kate and I sort of didn't know what was going on, and it took us awhile to find where the actual march was, because all the streets were blocked. There were hordes of people lining the street, most just watching, but definite numbers yelling things like "Nazis 'raus!" and blowing whistles. (I took a short video on my camera that I can send to anyone interested. Also, check out the spooky NPD-Goettingen website.) This is a university town, so I think its safe to assume that no one was supporting the march. When we finally got to a place where we could see, we were towards the end of the line, so most of what I could see were the literally thousands of policewo/men. We were all talking about the impending march last night at Trou (a bar), and David was saying that he had read that 4,000 police were supposed to be deployed today. So I didn't actually see that many Nazis in the march, I am not sure if that is because they were too walled in by the police, or if it was because we were towards the end of the march.

Kate and I didn't ride down into town until two this afternoon, but Jacky had called me earlier in the day from downtown, so I knew a little about what was going on. She said she hadn't really witnessed much violence, but that the police kept chasing people away, and that the side streets were lined with burning dumpsters. I didn't really see much violence either, though I was startled a few times when we were standing on the side of the street watching, because down Weender Landstrasse (one of the main streets here in Goettingen) people would apparently cross the line, and then a segment of police would burst through the crowd and chase after people. When I say cross the line, I am meaning that people were getting too hostile towards the marchers, throwing things or shouting too much. It probably seems strange that the bystanders were the ones getting tackled and pinned to the ground, but the NPD (Nazi Party) got approval to march in Goettingen, and anyone againist the march had to keep their peace, or else they were the ones breaking the law. Standing all around us were people (mostly males) dressed all or mostly in black, hoods up and knuckles clenched. I didn't figure out who these people were until I was walking my bike home (it was impossible to ride through the masses of people just standing around) and I heard my name being called, and turned around to see Sean. A fellow Californian, he had been downtown all day, and had walked behind the anarchist march/demonstration. Then it clicked that the people in black were the anarchists. Signs I had seen around town saying "No Cops, No Nazis" finally made some sense.


Walking home the charred remnants of the dumpsters lined Robert Koch Strasse. The afternoon was such a strange experience. Masses of people standing around just waiting for something, masses of people shouting and blowing whistles, people in apartment buildings that lined the main street blasting music and hanging signs out their windows, the largest amount of police I have ever seen in my entire life. People were holding Pace flags, numerous sorts of "Nazis raus" signs (trnsl: Nazis out), and the Israeli flag. When we stood on Weender watching, a slow procession of armed policemen and Neonazis in between the walls of green uniforms in front of us, people milling nervously behind us- the tension was palpable. At any moment I was expecting to turn to see a rumble behind me.

The whole Nazi issue here in Germany is sort of perplexing: its not all that surprising that the National Socialists exist yet as a minority (mainly because it has been ruled unconstitutional to abolish the party, apparently they have been trying for a good while), but I was surprised when I came here just by how much I heard about it. Around town there is graffiti along the lines of "Nazis heraus!", and now today with the march... its weird. Before I left home I endured all the wellworn Nazi-Germany jokes that were never really ever funny, but I was surprised to find it still an issue here in Germany. Granted, Germany is not even a century away from her lowest moment in history, but there has been so much turmoil in the world since then that I just figured it would be seen as more, ah, thats in the past (sort of like slavery in the US, there are still the definite racial tensions, but...). I think I've heard more about it since I've been here because there was an election in September, and some major issues dealt with then and still now involve some foreigner-hatred that is well known to be part of the Neonazi rhetoric. Mainly I am referring to the growing unemployment crisis in Germany (average 8% in the West, 18% in the East), though I am sure there are more. I am not really confident enough in my knowledge of politics and German current events to write more about this, though I am interested. Ask me about it some other time.

But thats just this afternoon. After standing around for awhile at the march, Kate and I rode into the Innenstadt, where I got some groceries and picked up the third German dictionary to add to my collection. It feels sort of ridiculous to have so many, but one is "pocket-sized" for carrying around, one is a hefty English-German, German-English that I bought in the States, and the one I bought today is one recommended by a couple of my professors. Its a "Deutsch als Fremdsprache" dictionary, which means that it is all in German, so you can look up a German word and get a German definition, but it is still made for foreigners. Earlier today I cleaned the Abstellraum (loosely translated, store room?) with Lars, as my semesterly "hall duty". Yesterday Kate, Kai, Keinst and I spent literally all day in transit to and from Kassel, an oyster of a city whose sole pearl for us lay in the outskirts of town- Ikea! It would have been nice to go there when I first moved in here, it would have been nice if I had more money, and most importantly- it would have been nice to not have to lug all our purchases back via bus, train, and then a long walk with our bikes, but so it was. I bought a chair cushion, a hamper, a candle and a largish rug to cover up my bare, cold and usually gross lineoleum floor. On Thursday I FINALLY cleaned my room for really the first time since I've been here. Other than that... I finished up the episodes of The OC: Season I (stop judging me) that I hadn't seen at Colina's place, and hung out with people downtown at bars and stuff. This past week my eternal and undying love for Pommes has been cemented. The German word Pommes comes from the French les pommes frites, which as good Americans you know as "freedom fries." Enjoy that one.

Now I am going to make some food and try to get some work done before tonight's partly Californian sponsered Halloween party in the Fettenraum here in the Siedlung.

darf ich das behalten

I think I am only going to have class Monday - Wednesday. I don't know if that is going to be a harder way to do it, but a four day weekend makes a 60 Euro train ticket more worthwhile to purchase. That does mean, however, that Monday and Wednesdays are academic marathons. I had class from 8:30 - 6:00 yesterday... you can imagine how fun that was.

To the library, and then from the cafe on the second story of the library. This is main campus, or Platz der Goettingen Sieben. I have all but two of my classes here (they are on Waldweg, a few streets down), and luckily no classes at the Nord Uni, which is way farther away.

Der kleine Herr Friedemann

Apart from this, tonight has been: german pilates class, german "Kick Box Karate" class, and riding to and fro in heavy rain.

In Creative Writing this morning we wrote kleine Geschichten about Halloween. It is amazingly difficult to come up with associations with Halloween that aren't blazingly obvious... in German, I mean. Mine were relatively subpar, but Sean's associations (we each had a number of words that we gave to everyone else in the seminar, and then we all had to write stories that included the words. Mine didn't really follow that because I sort of found a plot and then went with it, but you can only go so far until you realize all the grammatical mistakes and then you have to go back and by then its time to read it out loud... yeah.) made having to get out of bed today when it was still dark worth it. I think he gave me "sharp teeth," but the two that had me laughing harder than I have in Jahrhunderts were "plug" (Jacky looks at me like, 'what?') and something like "people who turn their lights off because they don't want to give out candy." Granted, not that funny reading it like it is now, but hearing it in German was so delightful. I don't think anyone else would have understood why I was laughing so hard, but it was great nonetheless.

I don't think I've mentioned that my bike is seemingly stuck in a gear that makes it difficult to go up hills. And speaking of hills, have I mentioned that my brakes don't work that well?

And now to finish up my comprehension of the first round of Thomas Mann. Then I am committing myself to being under warm covers until I absolutely have to be up in order to get to tomorrows 8:30am lecture. Yeesh. Tomorrow is going to be another academic marathon.

leaf house

I am eagerly awaiting the day when I stop being so mood-swingy.

If you count the dance class I just got home from, I had FIVE classes today. The day started off with a two hour 9 o clock lecture that consisted of a German (probably from Bavaria, or somewhere in the South, because he had the twang that us Northerners do not) academic standing up and speed reading through the mass of power point slides he had prepared. Power point presentations are good, because then you get to be reading words as well as hearing them, but they aren't good when you are writing so fast that you can't listen to what is going on. I ended up with seven pages of notes and that was probably only about half the material he presented. We (Rita and Emily were also there, so that was some consolation) talked to him afterwards, and I feel bad because he seemed like such a nice guy, but there is no way I could take this class. Its called die erste europaeische Revolution? Die Kirchenreforms der hohen Mittelatlers and though that seems truly thrilling and everything, the prospect of having to read three books and then do a 20 minute oral presentation on them was the last thing I wanted to be thinking about doing, after my few hours of sleep. So, I am hoping with all my being that the history class Steven is taking on Wednesday will work out for me. Its on the English aristocracy of the 18th century... and that seems far less interesting than church reform in the middle ages, but I am on the island and that lone raft is quickly floating away. Apparently the prof for that class knows a history prof I had and loved back at SC, so that bodes well, somehow. And I think all Steven said we had to do to get a grade for that class was write a ten page paper, and I'd rather write a ten page paper any day than do an oral report. Look at those job skills. I definitely was rethinking my major today, though. I feel like taking history courses here is now the last thing I want to do. I wish I didn't have to major in anything, and that I could just take basic language classes and run around in springtime showers and play with fairies. No, make that kittens.

I got home tonight at 10:30 and fell into a plate of cheese, cold cuts and a peanut butter & jelly sandwich. I was so excited to realize I had jelly, you don't even know. But really, today was ridiculous, especially since it was a Monday. I haven't been able to sleep very well the past couple of nights because my sleeping schedule got so screwed up last week... and something tells me that if I want to stay a somewhat social being, I am never going to get any sleep. Luckily I only have one academic class tomorrow (and I think there is a pilates class I am going to check out, and Jacky just might drag me to the kick boxing class, too), so I am going to devote all said free time to doing the massive amount of reading for my Thomas Mann class on Wednesday. I spent all of Saturday afternoon reading, and I feel like I got it pretty well... but there is so little to show for it.

So yeah, classes today were... not so thrilling. Two of the classes I checked out today were offered under the German as a Foreign Language department. I think they'd both be beneficial, but at this point I am completely lost as to what I should take this semester. I was originally thinking the grammar class was going to be the way to go, because it is always a good idea to shove grammar down one's own throat, but even though I really like the professor, I just couldn't imagine myself living through that class twice a week. I had no idea what was going on, which was weird because I knew whatever we were doing wasn't hard, but it was just like from a completely different direction than I'm used to. I guess its the first German class I've been in where the teaching style wasn't geared towards helping native English speakers learn German... because most of the people in there weren't native English speakers. Looking around the room, I'd say lots of eastern Europe and Asia. That part is interesting, because it'd be really neat to make friends with people from such varied backgrounds, but for some reason the class was really tripping me up. I really am frustrated with the system here: they tell you to go to as many classes as you are interested in, and then choose from those. That is good, it is nice to get some say in what you are taking (after being here I can't imagine going back to UC and having to take the classes you signed up for... but before I never really had a problem with it). The problem is that every class you go to, the teacher acts like you are all signed up for good, and passes around a sheet asking for all your vital stats. In the back of my mind I am afraid Frau Heidecker is going to call me up Wednesday night and scold me dropping her class.

Since I did have a couple hours here and there of downtime today, it was nice to hang out between classes with some folks on campus. It is fun that I am still discovering new ways to get places, and new areas of campus I hadn't previously seen. It was also nice to finally get to dance again. The dance class I took tonight is "Advanced Jazz," but since there is only a beginning and advanced class, I was wondering how advanced it was really going to be. It seemed a little slow, but hopefully it will pick up, and God knows I need to be doing some sort of dance, even if I find myself completely zoning out during. I talked to the teacher after class (who can't be all that much older than me), and she said she'd try to get me some info about some dance club, which from the sounds of it seems like its more like a dance team. I don't know if that is what I am looking for, but worth a shot, I guess. I had been in a rush after class to get to the sports center in time to change and find the right room, so I was wet from rain and sort of bedraggled when I came upon the group of girls sitting there waiting for class to start. They sort of gave me the up and down, but I felt better after class. It was nice to be reminded that at least at something in this country I am not a complete failure. Even if its only because dance is something I have done for years... its somewhat of a consolation.

But yeah, lots of wet rain.

hoppipola

After getting in a fight with the one person who probably cares about me here, I rode into town this afternoon and sort of just wandered around. I generally dislike going into town on Fridays, because the mass comes out and its impossible to navigate through the Fussgaengerzone with a bike, but it was necessary that today was made an exception. I tried on a bunch of unflattering clothing that cost way too much, and then went and ate Indian food by myself and read the complimentary german magazine. I stopped at the Getraenkemarkt on my way home and bought water, and as I was coming down the hall Clemens notified me that a package had come for me this morning. I had gone down to check my mailbox earlier in the day, and nothing had been there, but since sometimes they just sort of leave packages by the mailboxes (in the foyer of the building), I guess he picked it up for safekeeping. So that was nice, and it is especially nice because this package was my first purchase from Amazon.de. I think I only ordered this stuff yesterday, so I am pleased with the speed... and also that I finally have some new music! I haven't wanted to shell out the money to buy any CD's here, so the only new music I've heard in the past three months is stuff I've either ripped from Kate or Jacky, or had Addie send to me on AIM. I finally had to break down though, and so currently the new Broken Social Scene and new Sigur Ros are being imported to my iTunes library. I have just recently taken to bringing my iPod along with me as I bike through the city (I haven't previously because I figured it was too unsafe, but I think I am comfortable enough now with my surroundings that its okay), and surely these will be two welcome additions. I really don't see iPods here all that frequently- probably more frequently because this is a university city, but compared to Santa Cruz I feel like a hipster anomaly (not true, of course). The amount of white headphones I saw in London, however... now that was staggering.

And money- yeah. I got my phone bill today, and the calls I made while on my trip were... maybe not the best idea. I was just really lonely for folks from home, not that it actually mattered since I never really got ahold of anyone. That seems to be the trend. Anyhow I think I am going to restrict myself to text messaging (called SMSing here), and bread and water or something like that. I think hanging out with Jacky has been a good influence on my spending habits, just because she seems to be always thinking about it (money), but it also sort of gets annoying after awhile. You've got to find the happy medium and think about it enough so that you're not stupid about it, but not so much that it drives your every action. I think that is what has been happening and it stops things from being fun really fast.

Speaking of fun, this week has been a little ridiculous. I've been going out so much at night that I have to spend the whole day cooped up in my room recuperating. I'm not sure if this is the best strategy as the semester begins, but it sort of seems to be what everyone else is doing too.

gray day

Independence is lonely.

cuttooth

Wednesday night at Paulaner's, me and two of the Californians I wasn't embarassed to be there with. Get a group of college-aged Americans drunk enough and they'll soon be garning the attention of an entire establishment by singing along to every terrible, terrible song that is played. Nonetheless... its always a good time.

Heroin

I am slashing any hopes of academic grandeur this quarter right now. I just waited half an hour to be stood up for the second day in the row for this one Proseminar. I had another class this morning, and after eating at the Mensa and riding home for a nap, I was worried I would get to this second class embarassingly late. Instead I ended up walking a little early and sitting next to a girl who returned the feeble smile I was trying out. I sat there for aforementioned 30 minutes and watched the room fill to beyond its 40 person capacity, and when I imagined myself having to do a Referat (oral report, which besides term papers is the common way to receive a grade for a class here) for this class, to have to stand up in front of all these History students who all apparently knew one another- it was just too painful of a thought. If I am getting to know myself better through this experience at all, its that I know forcing myself through this class would have not been worth it. I think I need to save Proseminare for next semester when participation in a small class setting (the root word of seminar should make sense to you here) does not make me want to buy the next ticket back to California. As I write this I am trying to decide if I got up and left while the class was still mostly full (only a few people had gotten up and left at this point, I don't know what it was that the rest of the people knew that I didn't) because I had thought this through correctly, or if I am just making excuses. But wimp or not, I think its more important for my mental health to forget about how others are trying to prove their intellectual ability through taking difficult courses at the Uni here- because I think just by showing up and listening to a professor rattle off German I am doing more than I could. I forsee myself getting tangled up in knots enough about the stresses of just basic classes, letalone ones where on the first day you hear a girl a couple of seats down from you telling her neighbor about the supposed difficulty of this class. And that is difficult for Germans, not for other international students (of which I've already met one from Denmark and one from the Czech Republic today). There is also something weird about having to take this class in conjunction with another class if you are in the History major... which I technically am here, but since I am still an exchange student I am still not sure if those playing rules apply to me. The other class just so happens to be the other History class I was most interested in, but I didn't really allow for my schedule to fit two History classes this semester, and I know that right now two Proseminare would have sent me to an early death. The plan is to take one History course this semester and then two next semester, when I can handle it better, since I can only transfer three courses from this entire year to my major. Its kind of lame that for being gone the equivalent of three semesters I am only going to get degree credit like I am just doing one quarter, but on the flipside this year I have some freedom just to search around and take courses that sound interesting. Courses that sound interesting... and that I can imagine someone with the language skills of a second grader passing. Just to beat this subject to death, I think its more important for me to take courses this semester that will actively improve my German (I say active because one could rightly argue that taking anything in German would improve my language skills). There is a Vorlesung (lecture) starting next Monday that I believe Rita and some other people are checking out, and it sounds relatively interesting... and the fact that I would know someone helps so much, as well. I think its also a good idea to nix today's Proseminar (about Pompeii), so that when the opportunity arises again for me to learn about that segment of History (which I remember being interested in for a long time... I remember having to do some writing about the Mt. Vesivius eruption in Mrs. Richardson's class, which was probably like 7th grade?) I don't groan and have to retell a daunting story about how my stomach ulcer came to be because I took a class about that in German. There will likely be more than enough time to cram a bunch of terminology I'd probably never use but in a class offered in the "Old History" section next semester.

Speaking of 7th grade, the single successful class I've had today might just turn out to be really good. The class is called Kreatives Schreiben (creative writing) and is taught by this small, sweet woman who reminds me of the sort of would-be hippie professor that I'd have in Santa Cruz. The class is really small, and is unfortunately more than half Californian students (even more unfortunate, not even the ones I really like), but more people might show up next week. But I got a good feeling about her, and it doesn't sound like the work load is going to be outrageous.

I guess one thing I should point out about the university system here is that classes generally only meet once a week (the exception that I've noticed is the German as a foreign language classes, of which I will take at least one.... two if I hate everything else that I am checking out this week), and they all seem to be very LONG. I've only had two classes so far (though I've gone to four, so much for German punctuality and precision), but everything on my list is either two or three hours long. I guess for only one class meeting a week that isn't bad, just very different from what I'm used to.

The class I had yesterday is sponsered by the Californian study center (so its only for us), and is taught by the professor for the Unterstufe (lowest class of ILP). I like her because I already sort of know her, and she is very nice and accomodating, but the pace might be a little slow... I need to know by this upcoming Monday if I'll stay or not. I think pretty much anything I am going to be taking here is going to help me out, and I know everyone in this class, I know the professor, the courseload seems like it won't be too bad... but I'm not sure. I think that generally I am not here to drive myself to the brink of insanity over courses, its just a little difficult when you are surrounded by these people who won't shut up about how smart they are. I think I am just sort of trying to figure out what I want this semester to be for me. I have the feeling that even if I took classes that everyone thought were easy I'd still be doing a lot of work, but being sick for three straight months (and I woke up with a sore throat today, go figure) and wracked with worry up until the semester break doesn't fit into EAP's scheme of this being "the best year of my life." I am having to reevaluate my goals for this year, and the difficult part is seperating them from everyone else's. The idea of working for the UN, or living here again after this year, or going to some other country next year, or the year after and learning another language and roughing it there--- these are all great ideas but I am not really sure how I see myself fitting into any of them. Ever since I got old enough to, its been hard for me to marry optimism and reality. Things I do know: I want to have enough free time that I can travel- I am literally in the middle of Europe and now that I've gotten my feet wet, its like waiting for presents on Christmas. I want to have enough time that I can do some extracurriculars- there are two dance courses I am hoping will fit into my schedule, and there is such a variety of stuff offered that I feel like I am wasting myself if I don't use this opportunity to take something different (Jacky is pushing for Capoeira... I am not sure if its called the same in English, but apparently its some afro/brazilian dance/martial art). I want to have enough time that I can make some real friendships with people here- I am amazed daily with the variety of countries that students here come from. So reading this over now.... yeah, maybe school should be more auxiliary than I was previously thinking. I have spent the past two years of college so wrapped up in getting good grades and thereby proving myself as an intellectual being (I've been ignoring the fact that grades in college do not translate to intelligence, by any means) that I have probably missed a lot of opportunities that I probably just didn't see come my way. But its difficult, because how do you balance the knowledge that there is so much money being poured into your education with the reality that college is really more than about what you're reading in books? And there is always another year of study waiting in Santa Cruz for me, where I will be taking at least two classes per quarter for my major, just to graduate on time. For the other open courses my senior year I am planning on either searching out some upper-level German course that doesn't sound too boring (unfortunately I don't think there are really that many of them, and the ones I do remember sound like they could be a little below my level by the time I get back), or take a year of another language, just for kicks. Colina and I have already promised each other about seeing Machu Picchu.

So all in all it comes down to that basic quest for determining what one should do because they think they should, or what one should do because that is what is going to make them a happy and fufilled individual. I don't know if this is supposed to make me feel better or worse, but knowing that this is yet a topic in the lives of people with far more life experience and years behind them than I is something to remember.

More and more I feel that I just want to spend the next couple of years seeing new places and writing in train cars.

if you'd relented and I'd resisted

Class starts tomorrow and I am worried; I feel about as unprepared as I can be. I was joking (?) earlier with Steven that I might as well just show up to class drunk to seal the deal. I don't think I even have any paper. Anyhow, I am gonna write it out of my system, wake up tomorrow prepared to take on one of the bigger challenges of my life thus far, and surprise myself with how much I can really handle.

Today I did absolutely nothing, but I needed it to make up for the debauchery of the past three nights. Last night Jacky and I rode into town with the intention of meeting up with Lee and some other Californians to go to Brit Pop/Indie Music night at J.T. Keller (a bar/club). We got down there with still no call, so in lieu of standing around waiting in the cold I rung Tony to see what he was up to. Eventually Jacky and I ended up at G1's birthday dinner. It was so laughably awkward: we barely knew this girl, and it was a dinner for her and a close group of her friends, who, being German, sort of looked in our direction as we entered and then went back to their conversations. So Jacky and I sipped our shared pina colada and waited for Tony and Peter (Pay-ter) to show up. After awhile they finally did, and so did Se, who I love for being male and straight and a fashionista all at the same time. Peter was aghast ("You cruel people!") when he found out that its not an American tradition to hug the Birthdayee after everyone sings 'Happy Birthday' (which we sang in English, don't ask me why), and I discovered that champagne is actually quite good!

Due to Jacky's anciness we finally bailed the restaurant after an hour or two to meet up with Lee, Sara and Eileen (all Californians) at J.T. Keller. I've heard a lot about this place, but hadn't been to it yet, but oh my goodness. It was probably only this one night, but last night was the first time I've heard good music played in a public place in Germany. It was so amazing to finally be able to dance to a stream of good! music, and not just something tolerable. As the night wore on and the mass of Germans (but I heard a lot of British accents too, so all the Brits living in Goettingen must have come out last night) got drunker and drunker the dance floor turned into a would-be mosh pit. It got to the point where I was going out of my way to jam my elbow sharply into someones back just to maintain some breathing room. But oh it was amazing. It was such good timing to get lost.

Peter, Tony and G1 had met up with us there, and by the end we had sort of lost everyone in the crowd, so when we saw them leaving Jacky and I jumped ship too. Its such a strange feeling to come out of a dank cellar like that club and then have to re-layer over your sweat so you don't freeze of cold. I was wearing four layers last night and I still felt like it was one of the colder nights of my life. Jacky wasn't feeling well so she went home, and I decided to continue on with the other three. The party they were planning on going to next apparently had already died, so we wandered around looking for an open bar. After sitting for awhile in DejaVu (famous in Goettingen not for the reputation that a place named like that would have back home, but for staying open until 10am), we went and got some much needed Doener. I love a city where you can't buy groceries on a Sunday, but you can get Turkish fast food at 5:30 in the morning. Then the longest, coldest bike ride home of my life, and then some much needed sleep.

else

Yes, classes. You are going to Germany? You are taking your classes in German? This conversation usually involved some awe and the resulting (shameful!) pride, but it really is all for naught because this wonder (at my idiocy?) does me no good over here. I spent a good hour sitting at that round table in Elke's office with a handful of other Californians yesterday morning, the whole time wondering how it was that we weren't all huddled in the four corners of the room, weeping quietly and rocking ourselves back and forth. That scenario seems less insane to me than the reality of the situation: that starting Monday I am taking somewhere around five classes, at least four of them taught in German. I look around the table and I think, Fools! Fools! ...and I am one of you.

After spending a couple hours the past few days in her office, perspirating in fear, I feel like Elke (our program coordinator) must think I am complete idiot. I kept asking her questions (because lets face it, if anyone who has ever accused me of being anal were here, they'd get their worst fears realized faster than... would ever happen in the States), and she, sighing, would reply that, yes, it says that right there. Or no, that that is stated right over there. I look at this petite, modern German Oma and try to telepathize the notion that, Yes that is good and fine woman, but you do realize I can't understand most of this pamphlet? I am reading these course descriptions thinking, ah yes, Greece as a modern Something and Athens role as a Something Something in the Something something. And then after a few paragraphs of that I, lucky student, get to read that all that the course demands is a 30 page paper and a "short oral presentation", in paratheses (30 minutes). Short presentation. I see. Well, that makes that decision that much easier. As the days pass I wonder more and more how I will ever be able to hide from anyone the fact that the German portion of my brain is not old enough to go to college.

So after hours of trying to decipher all the convulated codes that are in all these different books I have to keep looking at, I sort of have a rough idea of what I might want to take. At this point the plan is to go to this list of classes, starting Monday, and afterwards cross the ones off that are more impossible than the others.

One of the ones I am actually more excited about is a creative writing class. I don't know if this is a good reason to take a class, but the thought of myself sitting in this room full of Germans, reading outloud my fourth grade poetry about the blue sky and the chirping birds is just too funny to pass up. Okay, actually upon rereading that is only funny from an outside perspective. But I am thinking the whole bit about "playing with words" will help me grasp a bit about how the language actually moves, and more about how Germans can actually write something to sound poetic. In my experience with the language it seems like you'd have to work around some basic grammatical rules to make anything actually sound beautiful. We'll see.

Other potential courses are: Pompeji- Leben und Sterben in einer antiken Stadt, Burg-Kloster-Stadt-Lebensformen im Mittelalter, a university writing course that is sponsered by the study center and that is taught by an ILP prof (which a lot of people aren't taking because everyone is all up and hoiety toiety about their skillz, but honestly if this is a class I can take with other people I know and not cry myself to sleep about every night, it sounds good to me), a class on Thomas Mann and the resulting tutorium that is sponsered by the study center (led by Herr Beilein, my favorite German academic), a DaF course that is yet to be chosen (Deutsch als Fremdsprache... German as a foreign language... so some sort of grammar or something. I think I have to take a placement test on Wednesday for it, oh joy) and.... yeah, I think an English lit class. I keep getting weird looks from people when I mention the English class, but I have heard that it is a good idea to take a class here in English, because then you meet Germans who want your help with their English, and then they in turn can help you with your German. It gets hard to keep asking Germans for help on stuff when you can't really do anything for them in return. So... we'll see. The two English lit classes I plan on checking out are on Nathaniel Hawthorne (with an emphasis on The Scarlet Letter), and one on Oscar Wilde. I think I need to find one of the prof's emails and try to figure out how to ask to be put on the class list, because apparently you are supposed to have done this ahead of time for lit classes... my head hurts. Its been a good few years since I read The Scarlet Letter, and I have actually never read any Wilde... but come on, its in ENGLISH. I think another reason why I want to take one of these courses is so I can have at least one part of my week where I don't feel like I am just some homeless crack addict they threw some clothes on and pushed in the direction of the Uni. I don't know if drug abusers really deserve a comment like that from me, but I already know I am going to have a hard time grappling with feeling like an idiot ALL the time, instead of just most of it (like this summer). I will have to write more about school later, its starting to make me nauseous thinking this much about it.

The first two nights I was back in Goettingen I stayed in my room and tried to not feel so out of sorts. Then Thursday night Jacky and I went into town for Indian food (ohhh man), and then met with Tony to see Jungfrau, Maennlich sucht... which is the convulted title for The Forty Year Old Virgin. It was good, but I think I will enjoy it more in English. I think Steve Carrell's humor loses something in translation, but it was worth it just for the ending scene. I really like seeing movies in German, and I think it does help to have to sit there and actually think for an hour or two, but I think its going to be strange to go home and rewatch some of these movies and then actually get all the jokes. After the movie the three of us rode to this little bar and hung out until Lee and Lauren met up with us. We swapped some stories of Eastern European insanity (apparently its a good thing that we didn't meet any Gypsy children), and then we went to another bar. After awhile there we went to the Dorfkrug, which is this bar next to the Dorf. Its still weird for me to get used to the idea of drinking establishments being affliated with a univerisity residence. There we ran into Peter and G1 (this is not the girl's actual name, but I have no clue how you would spell it, and this is how you pronouce it, so thats the best I can do), two Korean friends of Tony's. Apparently I've met Peter before, but I have realized since being in Europe that not only is everyone bad with names, but I am really bad with them. I think a big part of that for me here is that a lot of the names of people I am meeting I have either not heard before or am unused to pronoucing in German, for example Row-bhert for Robert, Mhar-teen for Martin. Then Peter, G1, Jacky, and I headed back with Tony to his place, where we sat around (me in a drowsed stupor) till 5 in the morning eating Korean dumplings. I watched the rest of them eat these little dried crabs and suffered their ridicule for my apparent distaste for some of these and other tasty Korean treats. I don't think I've had Korean food much before coming here, but its more different from the Chinese or Japanese (maybe I should be putting these in quotes?) than I would have thought. Its strange to think that its just all about what you grow up eating. As I am sure I have mentioned before, Jacky is half Korean and so she grew up loving this stuff, and freaks out when these Korean Germans offer us stuff. She is in heaven and a lot of times I am just sort of forcing it down. I am trying to have an open mind about all this, but a lot of the spices and tastes just aren't good to me. We did eat "traditional" food in every country we went to on this trip... except England, because England is so outrageously expensive that we were eating as cheaply as possible. A lot of what appeared to be "traditional" English food sounded really terrible, too. We were in the supermarket with Colina and there was just some of the strangest sounding stuff...I can't remember any names now, but it all sounded like stuff that had been regurgitated, baked over an open fire in some cottage in the countryside and then given an accent to. That or else something just completely random, like praire dogs under an open sunset, or tomtoms in the river. Really.

I need to start working on the backpacking trip entry... but yeah, two weeks is a long time. But yeah, yesterday. After aforementined time spent in the Californian Study Center, we all met up at 2 o clock, when Elke whisked the half of the group that actually showed up to all these random little villages. Its so weird, for all these EAP excursions it always starts off, "Excursion to Duderstadt to see the Max und Moritz Museum" and turns out that we go to like ten random places after that. Max und Moritz was the first German cartoon, apparently, and we heard all about it (its called the Katzenjammer kids or something like that in English) from this slightly off woman at the museum. We saw the mill where the writer lived, and we all watched in horror as some small German child fell down the really steep stairs (and the tour guide just kept on talking). There was also a lot about some slightly sickening mouse traps. We then went to the European Bread Museum... yeah, random. But thank God Germany produces the most bread of any country (or cares about it the most, or something). And no that is not sarcasm. After we ran around the museum, my favorite part of which was the recreation of ancient breads, we got a tour of the grounds from this delightful old German man. Apparently he is one of the worlds leading professors/thinkers? in the field of forrestry. That doesn't explain why we got a tour of the grounds from him, how Elke knows him or what the hell he was even doing at a bread museum, but I stopped asking questions long ago. He tried to speak to us in English because the whole afternoon had been in German and I think Elke realized that most of us have been gone the past three weeks and have not been here in Germany practicing our German, and it always delights me to no end to hear Germans stumble through English. We ended up the excursion at the Plesseburg, which is the fortress that lies some ways out of Goettingen, that I went to with Martin what seems like ages ago.

Now I need to go shower and somehow make something of this seemingly wasted day.

black mountain side/in the light

A bit less than 24 hours ago I returned to Germany and to Goettingen. In the two and a half weeks of my absence autumn came, bringing with it enough students to finally convince me that 30,000 people attend Georg August Universitaet. The trees have started down their road of deciduation (lets pretend that word exists), and stirring up those leaves are a lot more people than were here when I left.

The last day of our backpacking trip (it excites me that I can actually say that now) was incredibly long- mostly because we didn't sleep the night previous. We figured it would be too hard to go to sleep just to wake up in a couple of hours, so we stayed up in the living room in Scottie's flat in London. We spent almost all of Tuesday (the last day) traveling, the grand finale being the bike ride home from the Goettingen train station to the Siedlung. Imagine two travelworn girls, wearing as much clothing as would fit on their bodies so as to save space in their packs, those giant packs weighing down their backs, deliriously dodging the mass of students suddenly on the bike paths, all after a max of two hours sleep between three buses, one plane, and two trains.

I'm getting too specific. I am really having issues here about how I am going to write an entry about this trip, comprehensive enough so I don't look back this time next year and wonder what the heck I actually did, but lucid enough that it is readable... and perhaps more importantly, basic enough that I don't spend every day until school starts on Monday locked up in here debating word choice.

But before I get around to writing that, and believe me, it'll probably take some time, I'll summarize by saying: wow. Its not a wow!, or even a WOW, but simply wow... period. I didn't get arrested in Amsterdam, or do coke with strangers in Vienna, or lay a bunch of Parisians in Munich, like some people who have been telling their stories today, but that wasn't what this trip was about anyhow. The last two and a half weeks were so full and empty at the same time that I think I am going to have trouble writing about anything beyond the description of images in my mind. Brain snapshots, if you will. The small amount of journalling I did in my simple black travel log was not about gray old castles or unmapped countryside or rickety undergrounds, rather those pages contain the words that now make me realize a reason for why this trip was, in some ways, so hard. It was the clarity of emotion. I could go on and on about this, but I don't think its yet the time.

I came home yesterday and felt completly out of sorts until I woke up at 8:30 this morning. I knew it was sleep that I needed, and although this trip was taxing in a lot of unforseen ways, I just couldn't shake the terrible mood and was worried that this was something here to stay. Luckily through this morning I shook the feeling, and the anxiety, desolation and desperation of last night is replaced this afternoon with better things.

This morning we had an EAP meeting about, to be neccessarily basic, school. Instead of daunting me into the dark corner of fear that so commonly has been associated with the idea in my mind of Classes at a German University, I think I might actually be a little excited. Maybe excited is too emotional of a word, but at least I am not crying into my blanket. After the meeting I got back my Hausarbeit, and I am not sure whether the grade was for the paper or was my grade for all of ILP, but needless to say I was surprised... and pleased. The whole time I was out of Germany I groaned every time I was reminded of ILP and the grade for it that would be waiting for me- but apparently that apprehension was misplaced. Its yet to be seen, I guess. Ramble ramble.

I'm obviously still not making as much sense as I would like to be, so I am going to sign off, do the three loads of laundry that are waiting for me, and try to make my room less of a diaster area. Jumbling up my room that much more are the contents of a box that represents such a stark contrast to the feelings I was experiencing last night that I can't help but feel its good to be back in Germany. That box, which I picked up this afternoon, is a care package from Jen and Kim, containing numerous American foodstuffs and goods, each with an inside quote of ours taped to the outside. It may seem silly, but today it feels like one of the nicest things that anyone's ever done for me.

And soon- well, sometime in the future- expect a link to an online photo album. So far I am having a terrible time sorting through pictures, mostly because there are so many that I'd like to post, but it looks like its going to be a big job. On Jacky's camera there were 300 pictures from the past two and a half weeks, and on mine 800. I think its the best idea to wait a year (hah) and tell me to give you a slide show then, because I will undoubtably be one of those annoying people who has to include a five minute story with every picture I show... but until then, I'll try to get something up to help remind you what an amazing, beautiful world we live in.