love is no big truth

Learning a foreign language is sort of like wandering around a really large department store. Sometimes you feel like you understand the lay-out pretty well, and other times you can't even get out the way you came in. There is just a lot of stuff , and oftentimes you will come upon a section you didn't even know existed, and in these cases sometimes its just better to forget you ever saw it. As I meander along, now and then I see something I'd like to try on. Sometimes this works better than others--- you can generally determine if you've misinterpreted the meaning of something by the look on someone's face.

This is inspired by waking up this morning and thinking I should use the phrase Mach's gut und intensifiers like doch, mal, bloss, and nur more. Mach's gut is a phrase I only hear now and then, but I think two and a half years ago as I was beginning to learn German it was defined in my book as something you say on parting. I think its kind of like 'take care.' The intensifiers (always in third position: Ich hatte doch nie gewusst; Wenn du nur da gegangen waerst) are a little trickier because they are just sort of those words you throw in for 'emphasis.' The 'emphasis' is kind of vague even in a mother-language, but trying to understand why and when you'd use some of these words in German is like trying to explain to a non-native English speaker what the words 'just' or 'like' mean. Just is like, well, its kind of like only but not really. I find 'emphasis' gets translated a lot easier sometimes by rapid and copious gesticulation and intonation of voice. A Mongolian girl (whose name I still have no idea how to pronouce and therefore never do) who is doing a doctorate program here in English (and therefore does not speak German) asked me the other day when I was in Jacky's kitchen what the difference is between "not bad" and "not so bad." Its really not that difficult of a question until you realize that you can't really explain the difference--- maybe you can better than I, but I spent ten minutes painting elaborate scenarios that still didn't really define anything and probably just left her more confused than she had been before she asked me. I'm always so eager to help that I think sometimes I end up doing more damage than good--- but when you hear how some other people try to 'elucidate' English things for Germans (or non- Yankees, Brits, Aussies, Kiwis, Canucks) you feel like you've gotta do something. In my creative writing class last semester our professor, who had studied for a year in England in college, would sometimes ask for a better clarification of an english word or phrase, generally as it related to a translation of something we were doing, or a question of one of the students. The class was primarily Californians, and there was always one who jumped at the opportunity to show off his in-depth knowledge of the English language. I always ended up contradicting him, though, which was just slightly painful because its such a snarky thing to do, but he was always just a little off in his definition of something and I couldn't stand it.

Thursday, right outside of Vaternahm, the bookstore where Andi works, waiting with Jacky for him to close up so we could go get indian food.

It amazes me that after nine months I am still in the place that can go so quickly from feelings of accomplishment to complete frustration and utter despair. It's in a lingual sense we're talking here. The teller at Commerzbank can make you feel like the biggest idiot in the world (the ultimate insult being a response in English, eventhough I think when that happens [which is seldom, thank you] people are just trying to help) but that night you can be sitting at a bar and waving your Beck's around and feel like the flip has been switched and they just couldn't keep the German from falling out of your mouth if they tried. Its the sweet irony that characterizes much of this year (and life, hardy har har) that relates that I could be a lot better of a student in this country if I was just at least slightly inebriated most of the time. And that people would actually find me more intelligent, to that!

And on that note, it looks like summer semester (as it is here called, since the official end of the semester is none other than July 21st, a month before my 22nd birthday [whew!]) is shaping up to be a completely different source of experience than winter semester was. I think all of us veterans keep telling the new kids (the new Californians that arrived here in April) that they are so lucky for coming when they did. To that most of them respond something in agreement, that they can't stand the cold, they've lived their whole lives in Southern California, the snow would have killed them, blah blah. But then without fail I defend the winter, and how it shaped us and hardened us and prepared us for the utter joy that comes with the blossoming of spring. More and more I realize how much stock I put in sucking it up and pushing yourself through--- I almost get a sick joy out of it. Maybe to make yourself into who you want you sort of have to see it that way. Though with that said I have to remember I continue to be a terrible procrastinater, at least with papers, and that if I go out running I need someone else there or else I'll just turn around and come home to the peach juice in my corner of the fridge. I guess everyone is a hypocrite.Friday, Lee owning his party. The tall blue building in the background is the famous Blauer Turm (blue tower), which houses smaller classes, the history department library and professor's offices.

Apart from the seemingly smooth flow of my summer classes, the joys that spring has brought are tied mostly into social activity. I've said it before and I'll likely say it again, but I am constantly surprised to see so many people out and about. Where were you people these past five months! Along with the many uni-sponsered parties that abound at the beginning of the semester (which all tend to be the same and therefore aren't generally worth my time), the staple of the semester so far are Grillpartys. As the good german name suggests, these are just barbeque's held on the lawns outside and around student housing. The few I've been invited to at the Siedlung have not been graced with my gentle presence, instead I've been a more active member of the Dorf and Boerse communities. The Dorf is where about half of the Californians live, and is closer to town and the uni buildings, even if its rooms might be a tad smaller. I am still generally happy about where I live, because the Dorf isn't so far away, and it seems now that its gotten far enough in the year where a lot of people's relationships with their housemates have turned at least somewhat sour. In the Siedlung, where I live, there are five actual buildings (though three of these buildings are like two buildings put together: for example, I live in the first building, but its actually called Haus 4; its connected to Haus 2 [don't ask me what happened to Haus 1 or 3]). There are about four or five floors in each of the three big buildings (Mahatma-Ghandi Haus and Haus 13, where Jacky lives, are built in different styles and therefore don't really count along with the rest of the place), and around fourteen people on each floor. So that means there are probably somewhere between 50-60 people living in Haus 4, the same in Haus 2. Of my fourteen housemates, I see maybe four or five on a somewhat regular basis, and would talk more than a 'hallo' to maybe three of them (Lars, Sajjad and Robert, most likely). This is all to say, then, that no one really gets in one another's way. In the Dorf, there are a ton (I really have no idea) of little houses scattered along a few car/bike paths that run parallel along the city forest. Its a cute place, with a nice cozy atmosphere. But since these little houses are just that--- little, people have to see the ten people that they live with in far closer quarters than we have to here at the Siedlung. My floor is just a long corridor, and then there is both a men's and women's bathroom, a shower room and a communal kitchen. This is the extent of the physical space we have to share, and it doesn't really feel all that much different to me than what they must experience at the Dorf, but for some reason there are a lot more problems there. Anyhow, the Dorf is really the place to be for Grillpartys, because every house has a kitchen + common room that has a door out to some sort of lawn and or patio. It is on these lawns and patios that the Germans and the foreigners they associate with gather round with supermarket packages of Wurst (sausage) and cases of beer. Its generally a "bring your own food" kind of deal, though there always seems to be beer, and I never am sure if I should lugging around my cases of it or what.

Thursday, my new best friend Scott and I heading back to Jacky's with her and Henry to watch Arrested Development (Both Scott and I ended up falling asleep). I am amazed at how warm the nights can be, though obviously it was cold enough that is was necessary to share my sweatshirt.

Yesterday around 6:30 Kate and I rode to MiniMall, where I purchased some chicken breasts and chips and she bought some soy patties. Then we headed over to the Boerse, which is a student dorm practically on campus (the closest thing you can get to living on campus) where Lee, a fellow Californian, lives. The boys were grilling, and the girls were between the kitchen making drinks and sitting at the table by the grill, consuming chips. It was mostly us Californians, a large portion being the new girls, who I like but have less to chat about with. There were still enough of us older kids there, Kate, Karina, David, Scott, Steven, Lee, eventually Jacky, etc. to maintain the German-speaking portion. Kate (this one pronounced Kah-tah, one of our orientation leaders WAY back when in August) and her boyfriend Lars showed up, David's german girlfriend Miriam (who has never really seemed to like me, for unknown reasons) and there was an Irish Eleanor there too, and the mass of non-Americans apparently continued to grow after Scott and I left to go back to the Dorf. He had to change his shoes so he could accompany us to go out dancing later, and I wanted to stop by at Henry's (one of the new boys) to check out his Grillparty. We hung out for a bit there, and then picked up Eleanor (not the Irish one, actually a friend of mine from Santa Cruz who arrived here with the new group) and headed back to Lee's, where things were just wrapping up in prepared for the group exodus to El Sol, one of Goettingen's "Mexican" restaurants, in celebration of Cinco de Mayo. We made it to El Sol, which is conviently located across from JT Keller, the club most of us were heading to later. The group had altered somewhat since we'd left Lee's: we'd actually lost Lee, picked up Andi (one of my closer German friends, who taught one of the ILP courses in the summer, and who now teaches the tutorium for the german literature class I am taking), and Nadine, Steven's german girlfriend, and Alex, a german friend of somebody's. Sebastian, Jacky's german boyfriend who I continue to approve of if only for his surprisingly good sense of humor (for a German, at the very least), joined us as well. He just finished his thesis and is leaving on Sunday to go to Australia for two months. Eleanor and I drank apple wine and shared a pina colada, and once it was late enough we all headed to JT Keller.

It ended up being on of my more favored nights here in Europe. I always have a better than decent time at JT Keller's "Indie Music Nights,"and I had fun people to dance with and the mood was just generally great. We spent most of our time in the main room jumping around with the germans, but Jacky came and grabbed me at some point (since she was spending most of her time with Sebastian, whose one obvious fault to me is his disinclination to dance) and dragged me to the other room, which was sort of jazzy and had a lot more space. I was lucky enough to get spun around (ie REAL dancing) by Alex, Tim (a British friend) but most of all by Andi, who continues to prove his superiority at leading and actually knowing what he is doing, in comparison to some of my friends who, bless them, don't really have a clue and just sort of throw you around (a lot of times with them I end up spinning myself). The second time I got Andi to dance with me I think we actually cleared the floor, which was a lot of fun. Its so classy! I am going to try to ask him if there are places he could take Jacky and I to sometime, to go dancing. It'd be so fun!

Just to throw this out there, Thursday was a lot of fun too. Jacky and I met Andi at his work and then walked to 'our' indian place for dinner. Then we still had some time to kill before the group meet-up at Nautilus (a bar), so we walked around the town a bit. At 9:30 we met Steven, who was still in his baseball uniform (of which he is very proud), and the four of us settled in a corner downstairs. By the end of the night we had taken over the whole half of that level; I am amazed at my ability to get such masses of people together! What started out as me saying, hey, we haven't been to Nautilus for awhile (and Thursdays being the night of the infamous Deep Sea Diver, a drink which, well, is well known) ended up being the Thing of the night. I also got to see and chat with Matthias for awhile, whom I haven't seen for ages because he has been so busy on his doctorate work. I am actually not sure what that is called in English--- he has been working for a couple of years on this 200-300 page paper, the final result being a doctorate, I think. Anyhow, since he has been so busy (I think its in it's final stages) he missed our Spargelessen last week with Andi and his friend Franziska. Spargel is the german word for asparagus. They grow it white here and for some reason are proud of that, so there are a number of "spring dishes" that go along. The result of Andi's cooking and his instructions on how it "should look" left us with plates of white aspargus wrapped in ham, nestled next to potatoes and slathered with hollandaise sauce. It was pretty good, though too much asparagus gives me a kind of slimey feeling. Anyhow, I think tonight we are doing some recreation of that evening, minus the asparagus dish and at Matthias' place instead of Andi's. I am not sure though, they have still got to call me. I think I am going to try to stop by Conrad's Grillparty (a German who always tries to speak English with any of us, no matter how good or bad our German is) if nothing is happening earlier in the evening, because I think Scott and Alex made me promise last night that I would.

So all in all, a comment I happened to hear from one of the new Californians at Henry's Grillparty yesterday seems to sum it up: I feel like I am finally doing the college thing. And my addition: but better!