keeping a carpet thats so thick on the floor

I've spent the majority of the day sitting in the backyard of one of the ILP professors, watching our German teachers tap kegs, and trying to resemble a somewhat intelligble person in conversation with one of them. Today was the last day of ILP. Class met at 10am instead of 9, and Herr Beilein passed back our Abschlusspruefungen (finals) that we took yesterday. I think comparitively I did somewhat poorly (2+), and because of the stupid mistakes I made I sort of felt down about it for awhile. Its still a rather decent grade, but it just reenforces the idea I've kept this whole summer about my place in the class. (The German grading system goes from 1-6, 6 being completely unsatisfactory) I did have a good chat with Beilein, though, and if I can manage it I think I want to take the class for which he is doing a tutorial. The class is on Thomas Mann, and is taught by supposedly one of the best lecturers in Germany. I am not sure yet how many courses I will be required to take here, and generally I think I want them to be as easy as possible, and Thomas Mann in no way seems easy to me... but I love Beilein and I think it would do me good to keep in contact with an intelligent German academic. So I guess we'll see. The Grillparty (as bbq's here are called) was rather a success, and I sat for about three hours straight eating meat and bread and drinking juice. Beilein made some side remark about a German's idea of fun: bread, meat and beer. It was too sunny out for beer.

And speaking of beer- the plans for the next two weeks. I had originally thought that our vacation would begin with a trip to Muenchen (Munich) to take in the sights at Oktoberfest, but after some thoughtful planning, it appeared to be too expensive to go to Munich and then to Budapest. So in two days Jacky and I are hopping on an 11 and a half hour train to Budapest. Jacky has a friend studying in Budapest, but due to the communication problems that seem to thrive ever so well here, he is not going to be there when we are. So... we are currently hoping that his roommate will let us crash in his half of the apartment. We were planning on staying in Budapest for a few days, the length of our stay depending on how much we like the city, how easy (and worthwhile) it is to get out of the city and see other parts of Hungary, and how antsy we are to get a move on to our other destinations. As aforementioned, after Budapest we will be hopping a train to Bratislava, stay there a few days, then move on to Vienna. The length of our stay there depends on how much time we've spent in Hungary and Slovakia, but Tony might meet up with us in Vienna, and it would be fun to have someone else with us for a bit, so hopefully that works out. After Vienna its another train to our final Eastern European destination, Prague. I have a Korean friend who was born in Romania (who we ran into in the train station the other day), and he said that you can see everything there is to see in Prague in two hours... but I'm thinking we're going to need more than that. We defintely have to be there by October 5th, though, because that night we are taking a (late) flight out of Prague to London Gatwick airport. I still haven't been able to get in contact with Colina, but I am hoping there is some chance we will be able to make it back up to Birmingham that night, or if not, if she knows of somewhere in London we can stay. Scottie, who is my sole London contact, will be in Spain when we arrive, and this my friends is just one example of why you should make plans ahead of time. But I honestly haven't had the time or energy to make all of these arrangements until class was wrapping up... so what can you do. Hopefully this hope isn't too blind.

I did all my laundry this afternoon, and got some money out of the bank (but here I am a little unsure- I know I can change money in whatever cities I'll be in, but I am not sure exactly how much I should be bringing...). I'm back early from the bars because I feel a second wave of a cold coming on, and there is no room in my life to be sick right now. Tomorrow I need to pack... which should be interesting, because I'm relatively clueless. I don't know if a journal that family members read is the best place to say this, but I think its a little ridiculous that I am about to leave for two weeks to run around on a continent I barely know. Jacky has been to Europe before, but always with her parents, and I really don't have a clue how all of this is supposed to work. In a way its all very romantic, but in another very real sense I'm sort of like, hm, shouldn't I know more about this? But everyone seems to think its all very easy, traipsing around Europe, and I know both Jacky and I are two sensible human beans. I think between the two of us we are relatively adept at finding our way around places (except Hamburg, ugh), and I know the basics: take trains, sleep in youth hostels, keep our valuables close and always in sight, eat, forgive one another for being cranky, etc. This last one I'm only a tad worried about, just because Jacky and I really haven't been friends for all that long. We've known each other for a long time, but it wasn't until we came to Germany that we ever really talked. But in another way we know one another better than other people that some could call good friends- just because of the sort of experiences that we have gone through together, and that we really have spent a staggering amount of time with one another the last month and a half. I know myself well enough that I know it is probably going to be a real struggle at times to keep myself from just flipping out- I think one of the most important things for me to do on this trip is to eat relatively often. If I can eat then at least I'll have the energy to keep going when my legs feel like they are going to snap off. I've definitely already had that feeling here in Germany, the first couple of weeks we were here before we had bikes and we had to walk EVERYWHERE and it took SO LONG- that got to be difficult. I think its probably good I am only traveling with one other person, because the more people you have the more compromises you have to make. I am just worried we are going to get sick of one another. Then again, we have spent the better part of 7 weeks together, so maybe I will surprise myself and turn out to be a better friend than I imagine. At the very least things should freshen up when we get to England and I'll get to see Colina and Scottie. I am also a little worried about money... one of the reasons Eastern Europe was so appealing is that supposedly everything is cheaper there. I am also worried about being out of a German-speaking country for two weeks. The plan is to still study and read a bit in the train, and maybe even converse with Jacky (esp if we are anywhere that has anti-Ami sentiment), but I am afraid I am going to lose a lot just by not being around Deutsch all the time.

Last weekend I did the first bit of traveling that I've really done on my own (that is, that wasn't an EAP sponsered excursion). On Sunday we went on the EAP bus to Kassel, but on Saturday a group of us went to Hamburg. Hamburg is a very big, exciting city, but I just didn't have it in me to enjoy it for all that it was worth. I definitely want to go back sometime when I am not sleep deprived and sick. It was four hours there and four hours back, so we really only had about six hours in the city, at least two of which were taken up at this random Korean restaurant that had been the goal of the trip for some of the folks in our group. I feel sort of out of the loop by not having any asian blood or connection about me. The best I can do is, "My sister was born in Japan!", but a comment like that never really goes anywhere. There are two Japanese girls in the EAP group here (Tomoko and Kai), Tina is Korean-American, Tony is Korean-American, Jacky's dad is Korean, Keinst is Chinese-American... and Steven dated a Chinese girl. Also two people I've met that I hope I become good friends with are two Koreans, June from Seoul and Se from Romania. Everytime I run into them, I am taken aback by how nice and generous they are. They are friends with Tony so hopefully that means I won't lose contact.

An exciting snippet from the day in Hamburg was when Jacky and I went into a Diesel store in the ritzy shopping quarter. I've never been in a Diesel store, and eventhough we looked ragged from traveling and walking all day, I drug Jacky in just to see what it was like. It was a good thing that I did because lo and behold I saw my first real live GERMAN POP STARS. "Tokyo Hotel" are these two German 15 year old boys (and they aren't Asian, the name really has nothing to do with anything as far as I can tell) who I had first heard about two days before when Steven did a presentation on the German teenybopper magazine Bravo. They were lounging in the corner while some man was showing them clothes. It was ridiculous that we saw them, and Jacky wanted me to take a picture, but for some reason I just felt bad about it so I didn't. I still have the story, though.

So this was a really terrible retelling of last weekend, but overall it was one of the most exhausting grouping of days I've had in a long time (and for this summer, that is actually saying a lot). Maybe it happened to give me a forewarning of the next two weeks, we'll see. I'd talk more about the cities I went to, Hamburg and Kassel, but I'd be pretty much saying the same thing over again. Everywhere I've been in Germany is beautiful. It gets to the point where you wonder when you should stop taking pictures of the beautiful landscape because you already have 100 pictures of beautiful German landscape.

As always, more to say, but sleep is now taking precedence.

there'd be no distance that could hold us back

Saturday, September 24th: train from Goettingen to Budapest (Hungary)
Budapest to Bratislava (Slovakia)
Bratislava to Vienna (Austria)
Vienna to Prague (Czech Republic)
Wednesday, October 5th: flight from Prague to London
Tuesday, October 11th: flight from London to Dortmund (Germany)

!!!

caroline says (II)

Friday night: party at the Dorf that degenerated into the largest group of drunk Americans I've ever been a part of in my life

Saturday: Spent a cumulative 8 hours on a train to see Hamburg. You can tell that its the richest Bundesland (state) in Germany, but my god if I don't hate it just a little for having wasted two hours of my life. We wandered the city looking for the Schanzenviertel because Jacky and I wanted to find thrift shops. All we ended up finding was that I get surprisingly cranky in situations that mix fatigue, exhaustion and frustration.

Sunday: EAP trip to Kassel. Instead of including a beautiful landscape picture of Kassel you get this stupid picture of me in front of a political poster in Hamburg (from the previous day). Jacky and I had to justify having spent two hours walking in a circle without having found a single thing, so we stopped and took a bunch of stupid pictures of one another. (If you are interested, it was fitting that we took pictures of the all the political posters, because yesterday was an election day. I think they still haven't figured out if its Schroeder for the SPD for Merkel for the CDU.)

This weekend I took 258 pictures. Yesterday in Kassel I fell asleep on a lawn, amongst hundreds of strangers in broad daylight, sitting rightside up. This is the last week of ILP and on Saturday I am leaving the country. I've never had more to say and fewer ways to get it all out.

leyendo en el hospital

I am hoping that this time tomorrow I will be feeling a lot better about the world. From now on (or maybe after my nap, if I can convince myself that its necessary to take one right now before things get going) I am shackling myself to finishing my term paper/studying for my test tomorrow (the previous being far more important).

I had my last Sprechstunde with Herr Beilein today, and though like everything else it went fine, I can't escape the feelings of inadequacy. Well, that isn't completely true, for there is no other place where you can go up and down so quickly (and back again) as you can here, but I mean something more than that. I feel like I need someone following me around, tapping me on the shoulder every few minutes to remind me that I not a complete imbecile. But no one of that sort exists, especially in Germany. Normally the ill feeling can be shaken off, but there are those times when no one else's medicators, whether they be false praise, food, sleep or alcohol, do the trick. There is something fundamentally destroying about a lack of language, of not being able to communicate in the (fleissend) way to which you are accustomed. And so sometimes you walk around with your organs hanging outside of your body and your tongue sawed off, and the gray sky in Germany seems to mean more than it possibly could on the other side of the ocean.

space oddity

If for nothing else, I can be pleased that Germany has a surprisingly large range of yoghurt flavors. Right now I am consuming a marzipan-flavored delight, earlier I had banana with mysterious bits of chocolate... there is rhubarb, apple-pear, pear-chocolate, 'wild orange'-nectarine, cheesecake... and it goes on.

Because this is one of my body's fortes, I managed to get sick in the absolute worst week possible. I am slogging through preparation for a presentation tomorrow and a term paper due Friday... and okay, I just stopped writing because one of my floormates came in to talk to me for twenty minutes about how Adidas is a German brand. Oh really, hmm, I thought it was American? Yes... but no, I believe it is German. Okay, the point to all of this is.... what, please tell me. The conversation took on new heights when I was accused of being a crash-dieter like the rest of the "womens" ("But I thought Americans were supposed to be strong!"). You start to question your sanity when every conversation you have either a) induces fits of laughter so intense its necessary to concentrate on the whitness of walls so as not to alienate every person you've ever met in this country, or b) makes your head explode. The latter is refering to conducting conversations with Germans while hyped up on cold meds.

Sometimes I throw my hands up in resignation and say aloud to myself that I do not understand people here. And oh, that has so many meanings.


Back to work

and now the sun is gone

And then last night. I wasted an entire day (but did finally get some laundry done), then met with the majority of the Californians and two of our ILP professors downtown. We went to Villa Cuba, where I went last week with some German friends/folks. The plan after that was to go to Jan's house party (Jan was one of our German orientation leaders), but we finally ended back up at Tony's place at the Dorf. I should have taken pictures there, but they would have just been far too european for anyone to handle.
Foto: Me, Tim (Liverpool), June (Seoul), Se (Romania!), Jacky

summerteeth: hausarbeit? what hausarbeit?

Just part of the group wednesday night at Paulaner's (very traditional Bavarian-looking pub): Emily, Rita, Lee, David, me, Steven

Just part of the group Friday night at the Irish Pub (the place we went after Trou, which was this AMAZING pub down in the cavern... very Tolkien-looking): Keinst, me, Rita, (all Santa Cruz), Tim (from Liverpool!), David (Berkeley)
Two person biking--- it can be done (though might result in scraped knees and ripped jeans) !

it is so gay out!

This is my Fahrrad. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of this recent addition to my life. It seems a little early to say, but I think that one of the things I am sure I will miss about living here once I leave is the ability to get around town without a car. People do have cars, and there are buses, but they are all too expensive for the average student. The majority of people ride bikes, and I can't imagine what its going to be like when all of the students are here for the semester and there are 30,000 bikes on the road.

If you take a close look at the picture you will see that there is a package in my basket. That package came from Deutsche Post. Deutsche Post is good. I rode over to the Zollamt to pick up a different package today. I'd been there before, but it was only today that I realized Zollamt is CUSTOMS. Customs is bad. [Is that singular?] Oh yeah, and that rumor going around that everyone speaks English in Germany? FILTHY LIE (I actually didn't try to speak English with the guy, but he sure didn't do anything to slow down his crazy dialected-German)

We are all going out tonight with an English guy we met when we were bar-hopping on Wednesday. Bar-hopping, that is so weird. I can't see myself doing this anywhere but here. Tomorrow night I might go out drinking with two of the ILP professors. It is really strange for your teacher to invite the class to go to a pub with him. Drinking culture is so different here than at home, some other time I'll have to write a dissertation on it. Other than that, I REALLY need to devote the weekend to writing my Hausarbeit.

If you are ever in Germany and you want to complain about how humid it is, make sure you pronounce the umlaut in "schwuel" (the -ue indicates that the u is umlauted). Otherwise... its a whole different story.

spotless mind

So, to try to catch up a little-

A couple of Fridays ago us Californian kids were schlepped down to the former DDR-state of Thueringen, to the Home of German Literary (and Musicial) Accomplishment, Weimar. I was terribly tired the entire day, but the city was, like pretty much everything I've seen here, beautiful and interesting. That said, I still like Goettingen better. We saw both the Goethe and Schiller House, though I am not sure how much I learned from the self-tour audio tapes (who doesn't want a lesson in architecture auf Deutsch?).

After spending a good portion of the day in Weimar, our grand EAP bus made its way some 20 km out of Weimar to Buchenwald. The site of the former Nazi Konzentrationslager was nothing you expected it to be, though I can't say I was really surprised by anything. I was quite excited when I found out that that was a stop on our trip, because like every other kid even minorally interested in history, anything from the Third Reich surpasses many other things of interest for me. We only had about 90 minutes to look around, and that was definitely not enough time, but I am very glad I got to go. It was an interesting experience, perhaps yet another thing that is hard to put into words. My overall observation was not about the place but about the other visitors there. Buchenwald was giant and sparse, and only a few buildings still stood standing within the camp (and these were recreations, as far as I could tell); every person looked like a lone traveler in a vast desert. There was an innate quietness to the place and every visitor acted accordingly... I don't think I spoke more than a few words the whole hour and a half I was there. I didn't hear very many other people talking, either. There was just a feeling there and once we were back on the bus I was surprised that it hadn't stayed with anyone as it was with me.

On Saturday some my American friends and I had the pleasure of attending some mysterious "Krankenhaus Party" with some of Jacky's floormates. First we all hung out in the living room on Jacky's floor (Americans: Steven, Jacky, Rita, Emily, Keinst, and I, Germans: Bisschen (actually Turkish), Fadi (actually Palestinian), Christian and Martin). We sat and smoked and drank for so long that by the time we were leaving for the party it felt like about time to be going home. But we headed to the party... which was strange. Its sort of hard to explain because even I don't really understand it yet, but they throw massive parties here that are generally sponsered by some mysterious group whose origin I can't fathom. The night is a blur, but our idea of Germans as strange dancers who listen to terrible music was once again affirmed. Afterwards we went to the a German McDonald's (first time I have been to one in so long!). It was pretty much the same as an American McDonald's, but here it was 2:30 in the morning and everyone was smoking.

Then I had a completely ridiculous week of way too much work. On Friday afternoon Jacky, Tony and I went shopping and then went back to the Dorf (where Tony lives) and made Korean food. I mostly just walked around and tried to look like I was being helpful, since the two kids with Korean blood in them were doing most of the work (Tony is full Korean, Jacky's dad is Korean, and her mother is Polish). After eating and hanging out, Jacky and I followed Tony to a Korean barbeque, where I sat and talked with some people for a good while. These are all just normal people I'm meeting, but everyone seems like a genius to me. At the very least all of these people can speak Korean, English and German, and seem like they have brainspace to spare.

The next day I had a Life Moment. I was sitting inside of a German bookstore reading an American book about traveling to Eastern Europe, and then I just stopped and thought. If things like that don't make you realize that here you are, right in the middle of It, I don't know what can. You can go days without it really hitting you, but you can be sure it will again, and then again.

And now I am either going to attempt a nap, or homework, or better yet- both. It is Wednesday night, and because everyone here is insane, its the night that everyone goes out. Middle of the week? Perfect time to usher in some extra sleep deprivation! But this week I am actually accepting Life's sweet invitation, because I've felt too lame not going out the past few weeks. I hope my work and my health will forgive me.

ghosts of things to come

I can't explain it, but this afternoon has had the mark of putting life almost wholly into perspective. A week-long process of frustration is ahead, but not too long ago I was thinking, that in this moment all is right. I wish I could express it better, but sometimes even words are beyond me.

I can be glad that two of the three big projects of this summer are past me (though the last will prove to be the hardest, I fear). And last night I was able to read almost an entire German novel (that was due for class today), so I pat myself on the back for that. I was working at Jacky's last night for a good while, and around 19 we decided to take a break. We planned to ride around just to see if there were any grocery stores still open, but that turned into taking an unknown road through Goettingen, and that road ended up taking us to Flecken Bovenden (seit 950), a smallish town some ways outside of Goettingen. Though Goettingen is no metropolis, as soon as we were out of the city we noticed the change in the air. It has finally felt like summer here the past couple of weeks, and the humidity is not something I am at all used to. But as we rode past the green fields the mountains from just off breathed crisp night air and the only sounds were the buzzing of passing cars, mopeds, and the hum of the wheels beneath me.

My only regret was that I had failed to bring my camera with me, for it was a dusk that I can't imagine seeing the likes of again. But camera or nigh, I will not soon forget the texture of the air as we happened to chance upon it as the late summer day collided with night, or the pure gold lining of the hills as the pink sun set behind them. You pedal, hold yourself straight and watch as the farmland passes you like you are a train rather than Auslaender, and then you look up into the still clear blue sky and on the edges of the picture leaves pass, and then you let go and all there is, nothing else but the wind running its fingers through your hair, and sky sky sky

Regards, die Bundesrepublik Deutschlands

Like always, far too much to say and no time to say it. Today's scrap is something that I have been thinking about the last few nights when I've been lying in bed waiting for sleep:

Though I am still speaking a lot of English (with the other Americans), my mind is getting to a strange place. When I am speaking English with say, Jacky, I will just stop and there will be a hole in my thought process that I just can't fill. The best way I can describe this phenomenon is that German is starting to crowd into my brain (limited standing room) and pushing out some of the existing English. This may seem like a good thing, but the result is a girl who can't speak any language.

This might be a problem.

And completely unrelated: Jacky and I have realized that although most people here have at least some grasp of the English language, if we talk to one another reallyreallyreallyfastthenpeoplecan'treallyunderstandwhatwearesaying. Its sort of mean, but we had to find a way to regain some feeling of control over our Communicative Selves. Change your language, Change yourself... or something.

And I really really love the accent that Germans have when they speak English. The only English-spoken-by-Germans I'd heard previous to this summer were washed out intimidations, and though the real thing is maybe not that far off, its so much better in person. Though... I don't hear them speaking English all that often. The other day a German friend of mine was having to break something really complicated down to me in English because I just was not understanding, but he got fed up and ended up rattling it off in speedy German. Nice to know it goes the other way, too!

and i get lonely, but i ain't that lonely yet

I live in Haus 4.


"Dear Meri. B,

Due to unforseen difficulties in trying to pronounce your Name in its entirity, We, the BUNDESREPUBLIK Deutschland, kindly ask that You vacate the premises on the grounds of
1 .excess vowels and syllables in your name (...)"

Apparently they've only heard of the name Meredith from English language class.

real, so unreal vs. can i make ridiculousness into a word?

Greetings from the fairytale; yesterday afternoon I went to a castle (but there are two words for castle, and this one was more a fortress-castle, from what I could gather). The castle was a bit out of Goettingen, but I am still assuming that the city you can see below is Goettingen. (you can click on the picture to see a larger version, in case you didn't know)

I promised myself that I wouldn't post at all this past week because of the ridiculous amount of work I had to do. The ridiculousness of the work load has not lessened with the weekend (but with that said, I've gotten nothing done today except grocery shopping and a nap), but I think I needed to take today to recharge some. I should be able to get an entire book and half of a term paper written tomorrow, right?